As a family law attorney, you are faced with the issues related to the ever-increasing divorce rate on a daily basis. When this traumatic event touches you personally, your own extended family or friends, how do you handle it in view of your knowledge and expertise, your own emotions, and the spiritual dilemma that you may experience?
“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified” (Isaiah 61:3 KJV).
Years ago I was present in the home of a divorcing couple during a police assisted property exchange. They were family friends and I was supposedly there for moral support. The wife was pregnant and moving out of their apartment; taking her unborn child and leaving her husband, dog and fish tank behind. She was scared, sad, and mad all at the same time. Her husband dragged his feet and tried to keep her from taking any of her clothes and personal items because he didn’t want her to leave. The police had to hastily jump in and almost called the whole thing off when the arguing escalated.
Standing there watching cabinets being emptied and winter coats being drug out of the basement and packed, I could almost physically feel the ripping of their lives. The harsh tearing of their hearts and dreams hurt like a chalkboard that was being scratched. It was like being at a funeral where the mourners were angry and unsaved; but terribly sad and unable to change anything about the situation. I prayed for God to show up in that apartment, maybe not that day but soon. I knew He was there all the time; waiting for one of their hearts to open and turn to Him, waiting for a personal invitation into their shattered marriage.
As I sadly watched and listened, all I saw was hardened, selfish hearts. This was a couple that had grown tired of trying to please each other. The husband was tired of trying to love his wife like Christ loved the church. The wife was weary of trying to submit to her husband. Talking to them both made me tired. There was no beauty in any of it.
I wasn’t their attorney, I was there friend; funny how that made the ripping a hundred times louder. They both met with lawyers. The husband learned how much alimony he would be paying and for how long. The wife learned that she would likely only see half of her unborn baby’s childhood, because once she became old enough she would live with her dad half the time. I told them they were breaking their covenant to God and to each other.
After two months of separation, the husband finally cried out to God and chose to believe God’s promise to give him beauty for ashes and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. His wife noticed the change in him and agreed to move back home. She was sullen and withdrawn at first, having returned for the sake of her unborn child. I gathered several married couples from our church and we surrounded them both and prayed. Eventually the wife agreed to praise the Lord through her circumstances. She came to forgive herself and then her husband. They are happily married and serving the Lord. Their daughter is now a happy, thriving eight year old. She has no idea that her home was almost broken before she was born. Her home instead is beautiful.
God’s promise of joy for mourning and beauty for ashes is for all of us who call on His name. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
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