Marriages in the 20- to 25-year range have special vulnerabilities that we need to recognize and guard against. Left unattended, our families and marriages can become life-sized targets vulnerable to attack.
I have been a family law attorney and married for over 20 years, so I am fully aware that marriage is a tricky business. Many couples opt out of their marriages at this mid-marriage mark. They mistakenly think the hard times will last forever, and they lose hope and tenacity. Navigating through this life phase is vital to achieving the goal of long-term marital success.
The toll on a marriage can be both multifaceted and significant during this season. For example, children developing into teenagers can present a challenge (to say the least). Then they grow up and leave, or the opposite happens—they don’t grow up and don’t leave. Either scenario can take a toll on your marriage.
Soon menopause gets added to the mix. (A doctor once told me that I’d know I was in menopause because I would hate my husband.) Some might also have the dilemma of caring for aging parents. Add just a few of these factors together and you have a recipe for marriage upheaval, if you are caught unaware. Don’t let this happen! Be mindful of the phase of life you are in and remember these important keys:
Look ahead and prepare: Don’t let life completely surprise you. For example, as you approach your children’s teenage years, read about the phase they are entering. Just as you read books on the first trimester of pregnancy, on colic, and on potty-training, you need to understand the underdeveloped teenage brain and the myriad challenges it presents.
Talk about it: “…there is no new thing under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9b KJV). Talk with women you trust about how they have managed their failures and their successes. Talk with your husband about the challenges ahead and plan how to navigate them together. Talk with seasoned, well-adjusted couples about what to expect and what to watch out for. Develop a circle of trusted couples who can support you through life’s phases.
Work for it: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7 NIV). After church one Sunday I asked a phenomenal woman and wife of over 50 years for insight on these challenging mid-marriage years. She confided that she had prayed and sought God in her frustrations with such tenacity and purpose that literally only God knew how often she’d thought of divorcing her husband back then. Marriage is work! Seek out God’s truth about marriage. Pray and talk to God about your circumstances and ask Him to keep your heart right as you go through this season in your marriage.
Wait for it: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV). Whether married or single, your life experiences will be for better and for worse. The trying seasons of life can’t be avoided, but they don’t last forever, either. Even the nastiest storms, tornados, and hurricanes pass. Joy will come in the morning if you stay the course, remain faithful, and wait for it.
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